#感谢mymiracle#在哪里工作好啊 家里还是学校 求改求改

Working condition is an issue that people, especially those who intend to find a job, have always been concerned about. Recently, a question arises: is it better for employees to work at home and communicate with others through computers or telephones than to work in office? From my perspective, the advantages of working in company’s office carry more weight than those of working at home, for higher efficiency as well as an easier access to supervision it brings about.

To begin with, working in company’s office is of great help to enhance employees’ working efficiency. To be specific, since face-to-face communication allow people to use gesture and body language, which enables them to communicate with each other more easily. However, those communicating with others through telephone or computer may not express themself clearly. For example, since my colleague Tony, who is working in IBM, often employs gesture and body language rather than speaking language to convey his meaning, he are not able to deliver himself clearly when he is talking with his colleagues in telephone, in which gesture and body language are not available. Thus, he is inclined to come to his colleagues and talk with them directly rather than calls them or communicate with them online. In this case, working in the office will be of great convenience and efficiency.

In addition to higher efficiency working in the office offers, it also equip the manager an easier access to supervise their employees, which in turn is also beneficial to employees’ working efficiency. Working in the office provides managers with opportunities to supervise their employees, since these managers are able to visit each employee’s office anytime and check their working status. Under this circumstance, in order to show the managers a great attitude, employees will work hard in the office. According to an article published in China Daily, employees are more likely to work with high efficiency under the supervise of managers. Thus, working in the office make an easier management as well as high efficiency.

Admittedly, there are several advantages for those who work at home. People who is working at home are able to schedule their time more freely. Instead of being forced to go to company at a fixed time, individuals can adjust their schedule according to their life. Moreover, it may saves a large amount of money spent in transportation and a lot of money wasted in the way toward the companies.

To sum up, although there may be several side effects working at company’s office brings about, given the higher efficiency and easier access to management it offers, it is not hard choice to choose between working at home and working in company’s office.

line 3 & 5 & 19 & 20: company's office -> companies' offices
line 6 : allow -> allows
line 6 & 8 : gesture -> gestures
line 6 : enables -> enable
line 7 : telephone or computer -> telephones or computers
line 8 : are -> is
.. line 11 : equip the manager an … -> equips the manager with an …
line 12 : …check their working status -> …check his/her working status(或者前面用复数)
line 13 : employees -> employee
line 18 : 第二个money应该是time？
line 19 : at -> in
line 19 : easier access -> an easier access

第二段主要是讲在公司会方便沟通，而方便沟通怎么跟efficiency挂上钩似乎需要联系起来才行，或者第二段主旨句就讲方便沟通也未尝不可，因为第三段又提到efficiency了（好的management带来efficiency使员工——选择工作者——受益，而好的management本身只对公司有益不是对员工，不知道原题是怎么说，是公司采用员工在家工作好与差？还是工作者选择在家工作好与差？）

总体来说相当棒，4+肯定没问题。
拙见，非权威，供参考下。

补充下，通过online的方式跟人交流是可以看到gestures and body language的... 嘿嘿，随口一说，对写toefl作文应该没有影响，批改的人应该不会考虑那么多吧

mymiracle 发表于 2013-9-25 17:21
line 3 & 5 & 19 & 20: company's office -> companies' offices
line 6 : allow -> allows
line 6 & 8 : ...

thx 有一些语法小错误啊，，，，上头

mymiracle 发表于 2013-9-25 17:21
line 3 & 5 & 19 & 20: company's office -> companies' offices
line 6 : allow -> allows
line 6 & 8 : ...

嗯第二段 这个没联系起来确实很有问题