TPO4,《20年后的轿车使用会减少》求改

Do you agree a disagree: In twenty years there will be fewer cars in use than today
字数270

From the current statistics, the number of cars is in dramatic increase of 20 percent each years. And it's estimated that there would be more cars twenty years later. But I hold a different idea on this issue. I agree with the idea that there will be fewer cars in use than there are today.

First of all, more people would rather choose public transportation than driving cars. After twenty-year construction, the public transportation system will be more convenient and sophisticated. People can go anywhere taking buses, subways or high-speed trains. There is no need to drive their own cars. Taking public transportation is the general trend nowdays, and twenty years later, this would come into fact.

Secondly, it would be more costing to own a car. We will see the end of petroleum in the next few decades. And this would definetely lead to the roaring price of gasoline which upsets people's desire of buying a car. Moreover, government may lay heavy tax on car owners in order to control air pollution. In 2013, the Chinese government are already discussing charging car owners extra money to protect the environment.

Thirdly, cars may be replaced by other vehicles. Even nowadays, some rich people are buying their own private jet. I believe that twenty years later, the decreasing price of private jet and increasing income would encourage people to buy more advanced vehicles such as private jet.

In summary, the convenience of public transportation, the desire of owning a more advanced vehicles as well as economic considerations leads to the conclusion that in twenty years there will be fewer cars in use than there are today.

膜拜lz短小精悍的作文。。唯一一点，字数超过300为好吧？

tacit 发表于 2013-10-2 22:19
膜拜lz短小精悍的作文。。唯一一点，字数超过300为好吧？

恩恩，才开始练习，时间没掌握好，下次一定注意字数。谢谢提醒

Do you agree a disagree: In twenty years there will be fewer cars in use than today
字数270

From the current statistics, the number of cars is in dramatic increase of 20 percent each years. And it's estimated that there would （时态）be more cars twenty years later. But I hold a different idea on this issue. I agree with the idea that there will be fewer cars in use than there are today.

First of all, more people would rather choose public transportation than driving cars. After twenty-year construction, the public transportation system will be more convenient and sophisticated. People can go anywhere taking buses, subways or high-speed trains.（高铁不是这么说的） There is no need to drive their own cars. Taking public transportation is the general trend nowdays, and twenty years later, this would come into fact.

Secondly, it would be more costing to own a car. We will see the end of petroleum in the next few decades. And this would definetely lead to the roaring price of gasoline which upsets people's desire of buying a car. Moreover, government may lay heavy tax on car owners in order to control air pollution. In 2013, the Chinese government are already discussing charging car owners extra money to protect the environment.

Thirdly, cars may be replaced by other vehicles. Even nowadays, some rich people are buying their own private jet. I believe that twenty years later, the decreasing price of private jet and increasing income would encourage people to buy more advanced vehicles such as private jet.

In summary, the convenience of public transportation, the desire of owning a more advanced vehicles as well as economic considerations leads to the conclusion that in twenty years there will be fewer cars in use than there are today.
首先，文章的字数实在太短，300不到的文章不可能拿高分，建议先做到30min里面打350+字
其次，文章的分论点设置得非常好，很有新意
第三，文章的语言写得不错，用词很讲究
最后，和第一点是相通的，每一段都没有充分展开详述，很像一篇加长版的优秀CET6作文。建议仔细研读OG raw score 4分 5分范文再多加练习