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[T作文-已改] 独立作文求改,感谢大家

[复制链接] |试试Instant~ |t作文-已改, toefl
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本帖最后由 wanglezi 于 2013-10-25 16:19 编辑

Agree or disagree , the purpose of  TV is to educate rather than entertain

In popular minds, the statement that TV programs aim at education rather than entertainment seems at first glance an obvious conclusion. After all, people are willing to appreciate the advantage of education that more knowledge we gain leads us to a better life. Therefore TV is assigned the education task subjectively. However, as far as I am concerned, it is the fact that TV is a kind of media, same as newspaper, network etc, whose essential tasks are bringing us a variety of information, including education and entertainment. The two information types should be equally weighted and no one should ignore the benefits caused by entertainment.

First of all, education based TV programs gives audience opportunities to gain extra knowledge to protect the environment and boost our life quality. By watching geographical programs, we can learn about how the earth formed and what kind of environment issues are threatening our planet, so we will try our best to take efficient ways to reduce the problems. In addition, the work pressure nowadays is quite high, and people pay much attention on the health. We are eager to see a lot of good TV programs after work which can teach us some tips to reduce the pressure, such as how to balance diet, take exercise in a right way or sort of things. What is worth mentioning is that besides the education-based programs, the entertainment programs can also play a significant role to help us get rid of the work pressure.

Basic to any understanding of how entertainments sweep out the pressure is that the funny things displayed on TV can make us laugh, which is definitely an effective way to help us get away from the frustrated mood caused by the heavy work. Moreover, a research conducted by a group in Harvard University indicates that people are more willing to watch entertainment than education based programs. During the investigation, some people interviewed by researchers state that they do not like to watch those programs with education purpose because most of such programs associated with boring style make them fell asleep. And if TV is full of education based program, they may not use TV any more. Hence, it is the entertainment not education based programs that attract people to open TV!

In short, from what we have discussed above, the essential purpose of TV is conveying us information so that we can learn to make our life better. And we can safely draw a conclusion that, when it comes to such issue, both education and entertainment TV programs can give us equal benefits.

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参与人数 1大米 +15 收起 理由
perlin + 15 多谢参与修改活动

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Agree or disagree , the purpose of  TV is to educate rather than entertain

In popular minds, the statement that TV programs aim at education rather than entertainment seems at first glance an obvious conclusion. After all, people are willing to appreciate the advantage of education that more knowledge we gain leads us to a better life. Therefore TV is assigned to the education task(改成function更好) subjectively. However, as far as I am concerned, it is the fact that TV is a kind of media, same as newspaper, network(改成Internet更好) etc, whose essential tasks are bringing us variety information, including education and entertainment. The two information types should be equally weighted and no one should ignore the benefits caused by entertainment.(为了防止主旨句中心思想不明,划线部分多余)

First of all, education based on TV programs gives audience opportunities to gain extra knowledge to protect the environment and boost our life quality. By watching geographical programs, we can learn about how the earth formed and what kind of environmental issues are threatening our planet, so we will try our best to take efficient ways to reduce the problems(改成cope with the problems更好). In addition, the work pressure nowadays is quite high, and people pay much attention on the health. We are eager to see a lot of good(改成decent/appealing等等词更好) TV programs after work which can teach us some tips to reduce the pressure, such as how to balance diet, take exercise in a right way or sort of things. What is worth mentioning is that besides the education-based programs, the entertainment programs can also play a significant role to help us get rid of the work pressure. (这一段如果翻译成中文会感觉论证欠缺逻辑,举例也完全不符合中国人的思维习惯,但是其实非常地符合TOEFL作文的要求,蛮好的!)

Basic to any understanding of how entertainments sweep out the pressure is that the funny things displayed on TV can make us laugh, which is definitely an effective way to help us get away from the frustrated mood caused by the heavy work. Moreover, a research conducted by a group in Harvard University (为了让举例更真实,最好不要再用哈佛耶鲁普林斯顿UCLA了。。。)indicates that people are more willing to watch entertainment than education based programs.(这里的并列结构有问题) During the investigation, some people (为了让举例更真实,为什么不把some更具体化一点?比如one thirds 或者)interviewed by researchers state that they do not like to watch those programs with education purpose because most of such programs associated with boring style make they fell sleepy. And if TV is full of education-based programs, they may not use TV any more. Hence, it is the entertainment not education based programs that attract people to open TV!

In short, from what we have discussed above, the essential purpose of TV is conveying us information so that we can learn to make our life better. And we can safely draw a conclusion that, when it comes to such issue, both education and entertainment TV programs can give us equal benefits.

文章总体OK,语法已经足够复杂,一篇文章里面用两种从句ETS的考官就已经觉得你的语法好得不得了了。
但是语言稍嫌简单,使用的词汇大多还是CET-4的级别,会有减分
Raw Score大概是4分

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参与人数 2大米 +6 收起 理由
毛小小猫 + 3 版主好勤劳啊 赞一个~~~
wanglezi + 3 多谢斑竹及时回复!词汇问题,我还真没意识.

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