托福写作一直22左右，感觉是有明显问题但是自己感觉不到，求指教

TPO-40
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Because modern life is very complex, it is essential for young people to have the ability to plan and organize.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.


In the growth of every student, making schedules is required to make sure that all of them will follow the instructions of teachers and acquire the knowledge smoothly. I still remember that in the morning we will have some classes on math and English while in the afternoon we will play basketball on the playground. Recently, some people argue that teens are required to make plans and to organize due to the complexity of modern society. As far as I am concerned, the ability is useful and critical for the following reasons.

First of all, young people will get rid of the pressure by making plans. With the swift development of the whole society, people need to confront various problems and situations which are hard to imagine hundreds of years ago. If a young person makes a decision and finishes works without a plan, he will definitely commit some mistakes and miss the deadline of some vital missions for he does not have plenty of experience to take actions thoughtfully. In contrast, if he makes a plan before being overwhelmed in his tasks, what he really needs to do is concentrating on the current work without being worried about the next step or missing other things. Since he does not have these worries, he is in a good mood without pressure.

Secondly, young people will make progress by making plans. People who have a plan in detail will pay more attention to their works on hand. It means that they will spare no effort for their tasks. It is universally acceptable that people work more efficiently without disturbance. For example, if young people with a plan are preparing for an exam, they will get a high score. While if young people with a plan are doing researches, they will acquire improvements and results faster.

Last but not least, young people are more reliable and trustworthy by making a plan. It cannot be denied that people who have a plan will complete a variety of tasks smoothly because they have considered the possible problems and troubles when they making the plans. They will predict the situation they will meet with and the methods to tackle them. As a result, they are not likely to commit mistakes. So co-workers or friends will trust them and take them as a reliable person. These relationships are essential for young people to be successful and outstanding.

In a nutshell, young people who are able to plan and organize are essential not only for themselves but also for the people around them in that modern society is so complicated.

可以关注一下托福写作黎老师的课（真不是广告
黎老师能够量产29分的文章，我上次因为不熟悉键盘只写了222和340，结果也有27
从黎老师的文章风格可以看出，托福写作的一个重要衡量维度是语言运用能力（造句），而文章立意之类的不是特别重要
我以前自己觉得写得深刻的文章也没有套模板结构的文章分数高

最近两次一次27一次29
感觉核心就是写长，第一篇写300词以上，第二篇写500词以上
考试的时候don't think, just write，只要写出来make sense的句子，有点合理的逻辑就行。稍微注意一下句型的多样性（比如不要开头全部都是I [verb]），然后考虑用几个能拼的出来的GRE词汇（感觉提了2分因为这个hhh）

First  of  all,  young  people  will  get  rid  of  the  pressure  by  making  plans.  With  the  swift  development  of  the  whole  society,  people  need  to  confront  various  problems  and  situations  which  are  hard  to  imagine  hundreds  of  years  ago.  If  a  young  person  makes  a  decision  and  finishes  works  without  a  plan,  he  will  definitely  commit  some  mistakes  and  miss  the  deadline of(for)  some  vital  missions  for  he  does  not  have  plenty  of  experience  to  take  actions  thoughtfully.  In  contrast,  if  he  makes  a  plan  before  being  overwhelmed in(by)  his  tasks,  what  he  really  needs  to  do  is  concentrating  on  the  current  work  without  being  worried  about  the  next  step  or  missing  other  things.  Since  he  does  not  have  these  worries,  he  is  in  a  good  mood  without  pressure.

Last  but  not  least,  young  people  are  more  reliable  and  trustworthy  by  making  a  plan.  It  cannot  be  denied  that  people  who  have  a  plan  will  complete  a  variety  of  tasks  smoothly  because  they  have  considered the(多余)  possible  problems  and  troubles  when  they making(make) the(多余）  plans.  They  will  predict  the  situation  they  will  meet  with  and the(多余)  methods  to  tackle  them.  As  a  result,  they  are  not  likely  to  commit  mistakes.  So  co-workers  or  friends  will  trust  them  and  take  them  as  a  reliable  person.  These  relationships  are  essential  for  young  people  to  be  successful  and  outstanding.

注意复数名词前面冠词的使用 是不是特指。

第二个举例的时候可以再详实一点。Take myself  as an example, 我做了xxx让自己保持有序，比如考试前用手机软件帮我制作mindmap/todo-list 设定复习目的和奖励（比如多少分奖励自己买个心仪已久电子产品），而后我就会更有动力做。最后结果上讲，和我以前比起来复习得更充分，考试前也更有信心。也因此这个计划能让我make more progress.

在考试中，我认为举实际例子相较于其他说理是输出最快的论证方式（相同时间内可以输出更多词数，你可以大脑模拟一个场景快速地编故事 描述一遍起因 经过 结果）；当然一篇文章也尽量只用一次举例，增加论证手段，比如你第一个例子中的对比论证。

托福备考中间去考GRE，写作也能4.0，但托福写作一直没效果，求建议

同求解救！！大学写了四年英文Essay，托福一战W22分😢感觉我的写作套路和楼主差不多。初步分析是因为没有用例子，比如说名人故事之类的，感觉楼主for example后面的内容也是对理由的阐述/解释，而不是举例子。

楼主下次可以试试理由+阐述/解释+具体例子（名人名言/历史事件...）。也可以上淘宝买个批改服务。加油加油！！

yhcbme 发表于 2019-11-2 19:38
同求解救！！大学写了四年英文Essay，托福一战W22分😢感觉我的写作套路和楼主差不多。初步分析是因 ...

谢谢！改革之后没有小分，我也担心自己是不是综合写作也有问题，哎

这篇文章里 我觉得主要的不足是事例不够丰富/详细 还有句式不够多样化
可以的话最好写一些名人事例 没有名人事例也要对现实生活中的事例加以更详细的描述
句式方面可以多看范文并且背一些好的句子

有一点是不要瞎编数据和公共机构、公众人物什么的例子，不然考官很容易看出来，然后给低分。我第一次就这样拿了个20的写作，后面好好写一直都25+。

黎老师的课+1
多用课上套路练练25+应该没问题

同推荐黎老师 用过都说好😂😂😂