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本帖最后由 q198800287 于 2013-8-21 17:59 编辑

题目:Society has created too many rules for young man

正文:
With the development of the society, the number of people think thatsociety has too many rules for the young people. Some people may believe thatyoung people should be limited. But in my opinion, I'm convinced with thatsociety should not have so many rules for the young people, because this wouldbe harm for the young people development.
Obviously, young people are limited by many rules compare to the past.Because of this restriction, many young people lost their imagination. Citingmyself as an example. When I was a child, I was always thinking about themagic, aliens and space. However, the society told me you should not image thisall day, you should study hard and obtain a good job. Therefore, I given upthis imagination and worked hard. Ironically, I could not think anything aboutmagic or something, the only thing I could image is my job. I lost myimagination because of too many rules given by the society.
Additionally, too many rules would have a negative influence on theircharacters. Suppose that young man limited by many rules in the society. Whenthey eat, the society would tell they should eat this way. When they angry, thesociety would tell they should not angry. As a result, young people become no thoughtand doing nothing. The only thing they could do is before they do, they willask the society what they should do. We should realize that this will destroytheir character and make them become coward.
  Thelast but the most important, it is true that the rules could offer the guidanceto the young man and help them make no mistakes. The bad thing is that theywill never make any progress because they could no learn anything from themistakes. It is reasonable to expect that young man grow a society which fullof the rules. Therefore, they never make any mistakes and grow up very well.However, when they become adult and solve a new problem, they found they couldnot handle this because no guidance there to teach how to solve this problemwell. Compare to grow under rules, if they grow up in an environment whichthere is no or little rules, they would learn how to solve the new problem. I’mholding the view that this will benefit the young people all life.
  Ofcourse, rules have many advantages which would help young man to grow. However,from what has been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion thatthere are too much rules in the society and we should reduce this rules. Thebest things we could do to help the young man to grow is that build a freeenvironment for them.

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本帖最后由 hdchina2010 于 2013-8-14 14:12 编辑

Society has created too many rules foryoung man.


With the development of the society, (numerous)peoplethink that the society has set too many rules for the young. Some may believethat the young should act under a set of regulations. But from my point of view,I'm convinced that the society should not have so many rules for the youngpeople, as this would do harm for their development.

Obviously, young people are limited by manyrules todaycompared with the past. Because of these restritions, many youngpeople have lost their imagination. Citing myself as an example. When I was achild, I always had an enthusiasm for themagic, aliens and space. However, thesociety told me you should not image this all day, you should study hard andobtain a good job. However, as I grow older, the society forces me to beengienged in studying and work instead of pursing what I really interestedabout. And finally, I give in. I lost my imagination because of too many rulesgiven by the society.

Additionally, too many rules would have anegative influence on their characters. As limited by many rules in the society,take eating as example, the young are cautious about what to eat and what notto in the way the socity has told them. The only thing they could do is tofollow what the society has told them.We should realize that this will destroy theircharacter and make them become coward.

Furthermore, it is true that rules couldoffer the guidance to the young man and help them make no mistakes. The badthing is that they will never make any progress because they could not learnanything from the mistakes. It is reasonable to expect that young man grow asociety full of the rules. Therefore, they never make any mistakes and grow upvery well. However, when they become adult and faced with a new problem, they wouldfind they were not able to handle this because no guidance there to teach howto solve this problem well. Compared to growing under rules, if they grow up inan environment where there is no or little rules, they would learn how to solvethe new problem. I’m holding the view that this will benefit the young peopleall life.

Of course, rules have many advantages whichwould help young man to grow. However,from what has been discussed above, wemay safely draw the conclusion that there are too much rules in the society andwe should reduce this rules. Thebest things we could do to help the young manto grow is that build a freeenvironment for them.


修改花费的时间比较多,差不多一个半小时
一是LZ的语法错误比较多
二是论坛现在的BB Code编辑功能非常的有限
不能保存word中修订的痕迹,只能粘贴修订后的版本,所以每次修改完了之后我还得手动高亮我修改的部分和LZ文章中被我删除的部分
以下是我认为有误或者不妥的地方,欢迎大家指正

1 the number of peoplethink that the society has too many rules for the young people.
Modified: numerous peoplethink that the society has set too many rules for the young.
这个句子的主语显然是人啊,然后接个宾语从句(应该是吧……)
2 Some people may believe that young people should be limited.
Modified: Some may believe that the young should act under a set of regulations.
这样的表达似乎更贴切一些
3 But in my opinion, I'm convinced with that society should not have so many rules for the young people, because this would be harm for the young people development.
Modified: But from my point of view, I'm convinced that the society should not have so many rules for the young people, as this would do harm to their development.
in my opinion换掉吧,换个稍微好点的from my point of view
be convinced with sth和be convinced that+从句
be harm for? 要么就是be harmful for,要么do harm to吧……
4 When I was a child, I was always thinking about the magic, aliens and space.
Modified: WhenI was a child, I always had an enthusiasm for the magic, aliens and space.
读起来感觉好别扭啊,使用have an enthusiasm for……
5 However, the society told me you should not image this all day, you should study hard and obtain a good job. Therefore, I given upthis imagination and worked hard. Ironically, I could not think anything aboutmagic or something, the only thing I could image is my job.
Modified: However,as I grow older, the society forces me to be engaged in studying and working instead of pursuing what I really interested about. And finally, I give in.
LZ注意表达应该尽量简洁,同时不要多次重复使用相同的词汇,尤其是在一个句子中。
6 Suppose that young man limited by many rules in the society. When they eat, the society would tell they should eat this way. When they angry, thesociety would tell they should not angry. As a result, young people become no thought and doing nothing. The only thing they could do is before they do, they will ask the society what they should do.
Modified: As limitedby many rules in the society, take eating as example, the young are cautious about what to eat and what not to in the way the socity has told them. The only thing they could do is to follow what the society has told them.
这一段几乎重新写了,还是上面提到的问题,表述尽量简洁明了……
7 It is reasonable to expect that young man grow a society which full of the rules.
Modified: Itis reasonable to expect that young man grow  up in a society full of the rules.
完整的应该是:It is reasonable to expect that young man grow up in a society which is full of the rules.
8 However, when they become adult and solve a new problem, they found they could not handle this because no guidance there to teach how to solve this problem well.
Modified: However,when they become adult and faced with a new problem, they would find they werenot able to handle this as there was no guidance for them on how to solve thisproblem well.
这个句子的问题比较严重,不是他们解决问题,而是面对问题
另外后面的状语从句……
9 Compare to grow under rules, if they grow up in an environment which there is no or little rules, they would learn how to solve the new problem.
Modified: Compared to growing under rules, if they grow up in an environment where there is no or little rules, they would learn how to solve the new problem.
Compared to sth
后面怎么用which呢
要么是in which,要么是where

感觉我改得快死掉了继续看paper,写代码……
hdchina2010
2013-08-14

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 楼主| f1371342385 2013-8-14 12:17:49 | 显示全部楼层
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hdchina2010 发表于 2013-8-14 11:06
Society has created too many rules foryoung man.

With the development of the society, (numerous)p ...

感谢,太谢谢啦!作文求25....
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