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[T作文-已改] 鸡精environmental issue is too complex

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本帖最后由 q198800287 于 2013-8-26 20:38 编辑

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The environmental issue is too complex to be handled by the individual.

agree
三个论点:
环境问题的复杂性
环境问题地域分布广,需要人与人,国家与国家联合起来治理
环境问题不能短期内解决,需要几代人的努力

Our world is getting worse. Because of the high developed industry, the natural environment is undergoing increasing pressure from human activities. Forests are declining, species are disappearing, and air is becoming cloudy. It’s time for human to take a move, to protect our beautiful Earth. Recently, some researcher suggests that the environment issue is very complex and the effort of the whole world is required. I agree with this statement and I want to give some reasons as follows.

Ecosystem is a delicate system, and once damaged, it may cost decades or even hundreds of years to recover. Although today a lot of people and countries have realized the seriousness of environment issue and much work has been down to handle these issues, environment problems still exist and become worse and worse all over the world. We can see the expansion of deserts because of water and soil loss, the rising of the sea level due the global warming and the degradation of cultivated land because of less precipitation. Besides, environment issues are interconnected. A single environment problem in a place usually triggers a series of new environment issues in other places. For example, the emission of carbon dioxide, especially in developed countries, rise the temperature of the atmosphere, which produces hot weather. Then the glacier of pole areas begin to melt and amount of fresh water is reduced. Finally, he sea level rise and the coast habitats of human are flooded. So we cannot deny that the environment problems exist all around the world and intertwine with each other, which are extremely difficult to understand and settle down.

Because of the widely distribution of environment problems, settlement of these problems isn’t the responsibility of just a person or a country. In fact, everyone needs to take effort to contribute to environment improvement, and any exception would lead to serious consequence. Let me give an example, several years ago, the government promote some fishery companies of Fujian province to reach an agreement to ban the fishing of a kind of fish which is at the danger of extinction. However, the number of this kind of fish is still declining because the fishing of fishermen. So the fishing of fishermen also needs to be prohibited to protect these fish, but that’s not that easy.

In addition, many environment problems cannot be solved in just one or several generations. That’s not just because the recovery of the ecosystem take an extreme long period, but also the human exploration of natural environment won’t stop due to human’s requirement for better life. The population of human is unlikely to decline in the following several generations, and we keep on require the nature for more resources to support our life. Beside, how to get well along with the nature is still a severe problem that needs long time research. Therefore, we need time and the effort of several generations to find an efficient way to protect natural environment and make the Earth much more beautiful.

Environment issues don’t just belong to a person or a country, and aren’t just restricted in some area. They are world problems and solve of them are important for the sustainable development of human society. So, everyone is responsible, and everyone cannot escape.

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putout 2013-8-24 14:54:57 | 显示全部楼层
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Our world is deteriorating(getting worse这里可以秒换更给力的词). Due to rapidly developing industries(简洁), the natural environment is undergoing increasing pressure from human activity. Forests are declining, species are disappearing, and the air is becoming cloudy. It’s time for humans to make a move(make a move是成语,take a move不是。。。) to protect our beautiful Earth. Recently, some researchers suggest that issues surrounding the environment are very complex and the effort of the whole world is required. I agree with this statement and I want to give some reasons as follows.

The ecosystem is incredibly delicate system(system重复的好快), and once damaged, it may cost decades or even hundreds of years to recover. Although today a lot of people and countries have realized the seriousness of environmental issues and much work has been done to handle them, environment problems still exist and are becoming increasingly severe all over the world. We can see the expansion of deserts because of water and soil loss, the rising of sea levels due the global warming and the degradation of cultivated land because of less precipitation.(好句!) Further(这一句不是与前面形成对比,而是补充), different environmental issues are interconnected. A single environment(知道是说环境问题了,暂时不须再用environment) problem in a place usually triggers a series of new environment issues in other places. For example, the emission of carbon dioxide, especially in developed countries, raise(rise是名词,这里要用动词raise) the temperature of the atmosphere and hence producing(贯连起来) hot weather. Then the glaciers of polar(要用pole的形容式polar) areas begin to melt and the amount of fresh water is reduced. Finally, the sea levels rise and coastal settlements(habitats of humans很变扭,settlements正好说出意思) are flooded. So we cannot deny that the environmental problems exist all around the world and they intertwine with each other, thus creating situations that are extremely difficult to understand and analyze.

Because of the wide(原词widely是副词,可是distribution不是动词) distribution of environmental problems, settlement of these problems isn’t the responsibility of just a single person or even country. In fact, everyone needs to take effort to contribute to environmental improvement, and any exception would lead to serious consequences. Let me give an example. Several years ago, the government persuaded(promote是用在提倡一个意见或方针,后面紧跟着捕鱼公司有点莫名其妙)some fishery companies of Fujian province to reach an agreement that bans the fishing of a certain species which is at the danger of extinction. However, the population of that species is still declining because the ban is being ignored. So there needs to be more stringent and practical controls on what the fishermen are allowed to catch, but that is easier said than done. (原句好多fish啊。。。)

In addition, many environmental problems cannot be solved in just one or several generations. That’s not just because the recovery of the ecosystem takes an extremely long period, but also the exploitation(exploration是探索,并不不会把环境弄糟的) of natural environment won’t stop due to the constant human thirst for better life. The world population (human又重复了。。) is unlikely to decline in several of the following generations, but yet we keep asking nature for more resources to support our life. All this means that(besides意思是你要说另一个目的相似的点子作为补充,可是这里换成作为总结的联结词更自然些) how to get well along with the nature is still a difficult problem that needs long-term (long time组成的不是形容词) research. Therefore, we need the time and the effort of many generations to find an efficient way to protect natural environment and make the Earth much more beautiful.

Environmental issues don’t just belong to a person or a country, and aren’t just restricted to a local area. They are worldwide problems and solving them(solve是动词,所以solve of them不对) is (这个用is而不是are,因为他的主语是问题的解决solving而不是问题本身problems) important for the sustainable development of human society. So, everyone is responsible, and everyone cannot escape responsibility. (要写清楚逃脱不了什么)

红字为修改,红底黑子为删除

LZ写的不错。注意一般用形容词-名词式比名词-名词式更自然,如"environmental problems"。另一种方法是改为名词-of-名词式,如"problems of the environment"。名词-名词其实是把两个名词绑起来成为一个。虽然有的组合很常用但是不能随便相组。

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smellycat + 3 很有帮助~
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DLer 2013-8-24 19:15:07 | 显示全部楼层
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本帖最后由 hdchina2010 于 2013-8-24 19:17 编辑

Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement? The environmental issue is too complex to be handled by theindividual.


Our world is getting worse. Because of thehigh developed industry, the natural environment is undergoing increasingpressure from human activities. Forests are declining, species aredisappearing, and air is becoming cloudy. It’s time for human to take a move,to protect our beautiful planet. Recently, some researcher suggests that theenvironment issue is very complex and the effort of the whole world isrequired. I agree with this statement and I want to give some reasons asfollows.

Ecosystem is a delicate system, and oncedamaged, it may cost decades or even hundreds of years to recover. Althoughtoday a lot of people and countries have realized the seriousness ofenvironment issue and much work has been done to handle these issues,environment problems still exist and become worse and worse all over the world.We can see the expansion of deserts because of water and soil loss, the risingof the sea level due the global warming and the degradation of cultivated landbecause of less precipitation. Besides,  environmentalissues are interconnected. A single environmental problem in a place usuallytriggers a series of new environmental issues in other places. For example, theemission of carbon dioxide, especially in developed countries, rise thetemperature of the atmosphere, which produces hot weather. Then the glacier ofpole areas begin to melt and amount of fresh water is reduced. Finally, he sealevel rise and the coast habitats of human are flooded. So we cannot deny thatthe environmental problems exist all around the world and intertwine with eachother, which are extremely difficult to understand and settle down.

Because of the widely distribution of environmentalproblems, settlement of these problems isn’t the responsibility of just aperson or a country. In fact, everyone needs to take effort to contribute toenvironment improvement, and any exception would lead to serious consequence.Let me give an example, several years ago, the government promote some fisherycompanies of Fujian province to reach an agreement to ban the fishing of a kindof fish which is at the danger of extinction. However, the number of this kindof fish is still declining because the fishing of fishermen. So the fishing offishermen also needs to be prohibited to protect these fish, but that’s notthat easy.

In addition, many environment problemscannot be solved in just one or several generations. That’s not just becausethe recovery of the ecosystem take an extreme long period, but also the humanexploration of natural environment won’t stop due to human’s requirement forbetter life. The population of human is unlikely to decline in the followingseveral generations, and we keep on require the nature for more resources tosupport our life. Beside, how to get well along with the nature is still asevere problem that needs long time research. Therefore, we need time and theeffort of several generations to find an efficient way to protect naturalenvironment and make the Earth much more beautiful.

Environment issues don’t just belong to aperson or a country, and aren’t just restricted in some area. They are worldproblems and solve of them are important for the sustainable development ofhuman society. So, everyone is responsible, and everyone cannot escape.


文章很好,用了很多高级词汇
下面几个地方注意下:
1、environment problems/issues是不是改成environmental problems/issues
2、much work has been down to handle these issues……

much work has been done to handle these issues……
3、个人感觉第二段关于环境严重性和复杂性的论述有点太多了
而且和主题handle by individual的关系不是很明显
实际上文章可以这样安排:
1、环境问题的复杂性,本国内需要协调经济发展和环境治理的矛盾(前面很多T-writing都是和这个相关的,LZ可以参考下)、国民环保意识的加强,付诸于行动等等
2、环境问题是个国际性问题,这一点注定个人努力具有很大的局限性,需要依托政府和国际组织的协助,需要跨国合作,发展中国家的技术的限制,全球发展发展不平衡等因素的影响
3、环境问题治理的滞后性,需要几代人的共同努力

hdchina2010
2013-08-23

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 楼主| smellycat 2013-8-27 17:16:33 | 显示全部楼层
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putout 发表于 2013-8-24 14:54
Our world is deteriorating(getting worse这里可以秒换更给力的词). Due to rapidly developing industrie ...

不好意思,现在才看到。。。修改非常详细,很有帮助,感觉自己还是要到语言上多下点功夫啊,谢谢你啦~
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 楼主| smellycat 2013-8-27 17:20:29 | 显示全部楼层
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hdchina2010 发表于 2013-8-24 19:15
Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement? The environmental issue is too complex to be h ...

确实写完了感觉第二段和论点不太贴合,谢谢你的建议,很有用~
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