【独立】NA20120323B

Doyou agree or disagree with the following statement? It isnot necessary for university students to attend classes as long as they canpass their examinations.

Theglobal world of education has seen radical changes in recent years, among whichdistanceeducation, or learning without having to attend classes, stands outas the most remarkable brainchild of this technological age. For someuniversity students, since they only need to obtain a passing grade to earn thecredits necessary for degrees, they seldom attend classes and just takeexaminations at the ends of semesters. Nevertheless, I suppose that universitystudents need to attend classes no matter they have the ability to passexaminations.

Firstof all, being able to pass examinations does not necessarily mean that studentscompletely grasp the knowledge and skills which are taught in the classroom. Many examinations areonly concentrated on measuring how well the students can memorize the basicconception; they do not test the level that the students have understood theconcept or the ability that they can apply that concept into actual situations.On the other hand, courses in classroom provide students more detailed andfurther analysis and explanation on the knowledge in textbooks, so students canclearly understand what they are learning by attending classes. Taking myclassmate as example, he was absent from classes frequently and even though heattended class, he just played with his cellphone or Ipad. In fact, he onlyreviewed lessons before the examinations. What is surprising is that he passedall examinations successfully. Although smart, he is not likely to become a reliableengineer as other students in our school. Thus, the only way to learn knowledgeas more as we can is attending classes.

Inaddition, classroom experience is a type of wealth for students’ job search inthe future. Distance education differs a lot from the normal universityeducation. The latter one requires a great deal of collaboration with otherstudents in or after class. For instance, students often have group discussionsduring seminar and finish a cooperative project after class. These experiences giveus opportunities to learn how to communicate with others and how to workcooperatively. Apparently, communication and cooperation are vital job skills tomake a living in today’s job field. Furthermore, the employers prefer to hireone has a normal education degree rather than distance education degree.

All in all, it is notdifficult to pass examinations and obtain a degree, the book knowledge,undoubtedly, is important, but the skills how to apply these knowledge and howto cooperate with others are even more important. Thus, universities shouldrequire all students to attend classes even though they can readily passexaminations without attending classes.

Dear writer,

This passage is a pretty good defense for your opinion that the university students should attend classes.  In general, the passage is structured very well in the typical form of "standpoint - reason#1 - reason#2 - summary", and the two reasons you hold are also explained in detail.  I love this passage.

Then we come to the "however" part.  I found, while reading this article, several places where you might have made mistakes.  They are enumerated below and my thoughts and comments are provided for your reference.  FEEL FREE to correct me if I also made mistakes~ :-)

[1]: "Nevertheless, I suppose that university students need to attend classes no matter they have the ability to pass examinations."
Ror: I suppose a "no matter whether or not they have the ability ..." or "regardless if they have the ability ..." should be used here.

[2]: "Many examinations are only concentrated on measuring how well..."
Ror: Hmm.. Could you try and transform this sentence back to a one in active voice?  I tried but failed to do so.  I think the subject of "concentrate" is the "examinations", thus I offer the following suggestions:
  (a): "Many examinations only concentrate on measuring ..."
  (b): Or we say "Many examinations are designed to only concentrate on measuring ..."

[3]: "... measuring how well the students can memorize the basic conception; "
Ror: I looked up the definitions of "concept" and "conception" in Merriam-Webster dictionary and studied them carefully.  Here are my points:
  (a): It's true that these two words have some overlap in their ideas/meanings behind, thus it's hardly appropriate to say you are using the wrong word here.
  (b): But "concept" seems to be used more frequently in the context of a scientific subject(as the example given by the dictionary says "She is familiar with basic concepts of psychology.").
  (c): Thus I think "concept" is a better choice in the focused sentence.
  (d): Besides, you used "concept" in the remaining part of the passage, so "concept" is better for the sake of consistency.

[4]: "Taking my classmate as example, "
Ror: Shouldn't it be "take ... as an example" or "take ... for example" ???  Help me to remember...

[5]: "Although smart, he is not likely to become a reliable engineer as other students in our school."
Ror: I think this sentence is not persuasive, because this is what you predict that might possibly happen in the future but not a fact that has definitely happened.  Something that has happened in the history as a fact is more persuasive than those that only possibly happen in the future as a prediction, right?  Yeah, I understand you might still be a in-school student but who else in the world knows?  Why not just..hmm..make up a story in which this classmate "finally failed to find a decent job" because "he didn't build a good/deep understanding about the knowledge taught in classes", even though "he survived in all the exams"?  You'd worry about the TOEFL test raters would figure out you're telling a lie?  Well.. I don't think so...

[6]: "What is surprising is that he passed all examinations successfully."
Ror: I think a "the" should be added between "all" and "examinations" because you are referring to the concrete examinations that were taken in the concrete semester.  This "definite" situation requires a "definite article" to be used.

[7]: "For instance, students often have group discussions during seminar and finish a cooperative project after class. These experiences give us opportunities to..."
Ror: In the first sentence, you are standing at the "third-person" position so you say "students blah blah blah...".  In the second one, you are standing at the "first-person" position thus it becomes "give us".  A good passage should keep the "person position" consistent and avoid switching back and forth.  Hence, I suggest to change the second sentence to "These experiences give them opportunities to ..." as the entire passage is all speaking from a 3rd-person's position.

[8]: "All in all, it is not difficult to pass examinations and obtain a degree, the book knowledge,undoubtedly, is important, ..."
Ror: I think the "the book knowledge" should start a new sentence, right?  Otherwise the above-quoted consists of two independent sentences without any conjunction, which should be a syntax error.

[9]: "...but the skills how to apply these knowledge and how to cooperate with..."
Ror: "but the skills of how to ... and how to ..." sounds better, right?

Sincerely,
Ror

PS: 我最后无耻地承认：我不是来帮忙改作文的，我是来练作文的……

Doyou agree or disagree with the following statement? It is not necessary for university students to attend classes as long as they can pass their examinations.

The global world of education has seen radical changes in recent years, among which distance education, or learning without having to attend classes, stands out as the most remarkable brainchild of this technological age. For some university students, since they only need to obtain a passing grade to earn the credits necessary for degrees, they seldom attend classes and just take examinations at the ends of semesters. Nevertheless, I suppose that university students need to attend classes no matter they have the ability to pass examinations.

First of all, being able to pass examinations does not necessarily mean that students completely grasp the knowledge and skills which are taught in the classroom. Many examinations are only concentrated on measuring how well the students can memorize the basic conception; they do not test the level that the students have understood the concept or the ability that they can apply that concept into actual situations.On the other hand, courses in classroom provide students more detailed and further analysis and explanation on the knowledge in textbooks, so students can clearly understand what they are learning by attending classes. Taking myclassmate as example, he was absent from classes frequently and even though heattended class, he just played with his cellphone or Ipad. In fact, he only reviewed lessons before the examinations. What is surprising is that he passed all examinations successfully. Although smart, he is not likely to become a reliable engineer as other students in our school. Thus, the only way to learn knowledgeas more as we can is attending classes.

In addition, classroom experience is a type of wealth for students’ job search in the future. Distance education differs a lot from the normal university education. The latter one requires a great deal of collaboration with otherstudents in or after class. For instance, students often have group discussions during seminar and finish a cooperative project after class. These experiences give us opportunities to learn how to communicate with others and how to work cooperatively. Apparently, communication and cooperation are vital job skills to make a living in today’s job field. Furthermore, the employers prefer to hire one has a normal education degree rather than distance education degree.

All in all, it is not difficult to pass examinations and obtain a degree, the book knowledge,undoubtedly, is important, but the skills how to apply these knowledge and how to cooperate with others are even more important. Thus, universities should require all students to attend classes even though they can readily passexaminations without attending classes.

文章总体来说不错 几乎看不到语法错误 陈述和论证得也很到位

但似乎缺乏很有力的例子来鲜活地表现作者在各段落里呈现的观点

以上仅为个人观点 还请LZ斟酌

hdchina2010

2013-08-11

Doyou agree or disagree with the following statement? It isnot necessary for university students to attend classes as long as they canpass their examinations.

Theglobal world of education has seen radical changes in recent years, among whichdistanceeducation, or learning without having to attend classes, stands outas the most remarkable brainchild of this technological age. For someuniversity students, since they only need to obtain a passing grade to earn thecredits necessary for degrees, they seldom attend classes and just takeexaminations at the ends of semesters. Nevertheless, I suppose that universitystudents need to attend classes no matter they have the ability to passexaminations.

Firstof all, being able to pass examinations does not necessarily mean that studentscompletely grasp the knowledge and skills which are taught in the classroom. Many examinations areonly concentrated on measuring how well the students can memorize the basicconception; they do not test the level that the students have understood theconcept or the ability that they can apply that concept into actual situations.On the other hand, courses in classroom provide students more detailed andfurther analysis and explanation on the knowledge in textbooks, so students canclearly understand what they are learning by attending classes. Taking myclassmate as example, he was absent from classes frequently and even though heattended class, he just played with his cellphone or Ipad. In fact, he onlyreviewed lessons before the examinations. What is surprising is that he passedall examinations successfully. Although smart, he is not likely to become a reliableengineer as other students in our school. Thus, the only way to learn knowledgeas more as we can is attending classes.

Inaddition, classroom experience is a type of wealth for students’ job search inthe future. Distance education differs a lot from the normal universityeducation. The latter one requires a great deal of collaboration with otherstudents in or after class. For instance, students often have group discussionsduring seminar and finish a cooperative project after class. These experiences giveus opportunities to learn how to communicate with others and how to workcooperatively. Apparently, communication and cooperation are vital job skills tomake a living in today’s job field. Furthermore, the employers prefer to hireone has a normal education degree rather than distance education degree.

All in all, it is notdifficult to pass examinations and obtain a degree, the book knowledge,undoubtedly, is important, but the skills how to apply these knowledge and howto cooperate with others are even more important. Thus, universities shouldrequire all students to attend classes even though they can readily passexaminations without attending classes


第二段的例子  应该是支持你的段首的句子的，但是看起来，并没有很强的说服力，例子中，我感觉，应该突出 grasp the knowledge and skills    应该说，即使通过考试，但是在grasp the knowledge and skills 来说是由区别的，grasp 更重要。

我感觉第三段  用比较 可能会更好一点。通过比较体现出，communication 的优势。。
呵呵，仅供参考。。