TPO5人们在个人享受上花了过多的时间而不是应该做的事情上

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Do you agree or disagree:people today spend too much time on personal enjoyment doing things they like to do rather than doing things they should do

It's true that people are more willing to spend time on personal enjoyment, but we cannot neglect that fact that they spend more time on doing things they should do. The time they spend on personal enjoyment is far from too much. A large amount of examples could support my position.
-baidu 1point3acres
As is known to all, children enjoy playing and hate going to school. They are force to attend school because education is compulsory for them. They spend most of the day time at school doing the things they should do namely studying. After school, they have to finish assignment, so they only have very few time to spend on doing things they like to do. It's clear to see which side they spend more time. Even though they can spend time on personal enjoyment on weekends, but comparing the two-day weekend to the five-day work day, can we say that they spend too much time on personal enjoyment?

Besides students, adults are in the same situation. No one wants to work, but they have to work. Without work, they cannot survive in this competitive world. My father is a good example. He enjoys playing basketball and used to play every weekend. But he can't do it nowadays, he has to work on weekends for extra salary to pay for my tuition. The example of my father clearly illustrates that people don't spend too much time on personal enjoyment than doing things they should do.

The only person who can spend much time on personal enjoyment is the one who retires. But I don't think they spend too much time on personal enjoyment. I admit that they can spend more time doing things they like to do, but it's just compensation. They have done too much things they should do when they are young. So taking all their life scale into consideration, they didn't spend too much time on personal enjoyment.

In summary, due to the fierce competition on in society, people are eager to spend more time on personal enjoyment, but the pressure prevents them doing that. It's no doubt that they didn't spend too much time on doing things they like to do rather than doing things they should do.

It's true that people are more willing to spendtime on personal enjoyment, but we cannot neglect that the fact that they spend more time on doing thingsthey should do(很中式的感觉). The timethey spend on personal enjoyment is far from too much. A large amount ofexamples could support my position.

As isknown to all, children enjoy playing and hate going to school. They are forced toattend school because education is compulsory for them. They spend most of theday time at school doing the things they should do namely studying. After school, they have to finish assignments, so theyonly have very few (要用little) timeto spend on doing things they like to do. It's clear to see which side they spend more time. （这句感觉巨奇怪--）Even though they can spend time on personalenjoyment on weekends, but comparing the two-day weekend to the five-day workday, can we say that they spend too much time on personal enjoyment?
个人觉得这个论点不是很好……没啥说服力的……而且！！！托福作文是要example，example的！！！你的example太不详细了吧。。。一两句话过一下就是了，你可以说take my old-brother for instance, 然后说他如何如何辛苦，personal enjoyment只是他生活的很小一部分，此外！！！LZ你的作文实在是。。。太多“人头”开头了。。。动不动就是they开头，其实可以稍微换换句式，这种很简单的，你去看2-3篇范文，就把里面的句式摘抄下来，下次有意识的去用，多用几次就是你自己的了~

Besidesstudents, adults are in the same situation. No one wants to work, but they have to work（其实这句话很平淡，毫无说服力不觉得么）. Without work, they cannot survive in this competitive world the society full of competition. My father is a good example. He enjoys playing basketballand used to play (play what ?) every weekend. But he can't do it nowadays, he(两个句子，用句号) has to workon weekends for extra salary to pay for my tuition（养家糊口不是更好，难道就仅仅为你付学费么）. The example of my father clearly illustratesthat people don't spend too much time on personal enjoyment than doing thingsthey should do.

Theonly person who can spend much time on personal enjoyment is the one whoretires. But I don't think（感觉你的作文好多这样的句子==用一个无所谓，用多了ETS就觉得你不会表达了） they spend too much time on personalenjoyment. I admit that they can spend more time doing things they like to do,but it's just compensation. They have done too much things they should do whenthey are young. So taking all their life scale into consideration, they didn'tspend too much time on personal enjoyment.
无example……毫无说服力。。。
In summary, due to the fierce competition on in？？？ society,people are eager to spend more time on personal enjoyment, but the pressureprevents them doing that. It's no doubtthat they didn't spend too much time on doing things they like to do ratherthan doing things they should do. 不知道是不是我理解的问题==感觉你这句和主题无关啊==

LZ==建议你把题目放到google上去搜一下，挑2-3篇文章好好研究下，找出里面的优秀句式和行文结构，再重新来一篇……多几次文章水平就上去了……

求大米！！！！！！

sanguine 发表于 2013-10-5 15:18
It's true that people are more willing to spendtime on personal enjoyment, but we cannot neglect tha ...

谢谢你的建议，很到位很中肯