第一次发帖 7.25考场原题，作文复盘22, 求各位指出问题~~

Which one is the most important for teacher of high school? (students aged 15 to 18)
-Ability to give advice about planning for future.
-Ability to recognize students that need help and give them help.
-Ability to encourage students to learn outside the classroom by themselves.

Teachers of high school need to be equipped with some qualities. Some people, if not most, are strong believers in the statement that teachers should have the ability to give advice about planning for future. Others think encouraging students to learn outside the classroom by themselves is more important for teachers. However, as far as I am concerned, the most significant quality for teachers is the ability to recognize students who need help and give them help.

Firstly, there are good reasons to suggest that students' learning efficiency can be improved when teachers can recognize they need help and provide help in time. That is to say, if students have some trouble in studying and teachers can find the problem quickly, students can return to the normal situation and their learning efficiency will not be affected. Take myself as an example. When I was in high school, I could not resist the temptation of playing computer games, which affected my behavior in class. I found it hard to focus on the class. My teacher, Thompson, noticed my bad condition. He asked me the problem and gave me some tips on how to avoid playing computer games. With his help, I was able to continue to learn hard in class and my grade was better. Therefore, there is no denying that students have higher learning efficiency if teachers give them help properly.

Secondly, it is conceivable that students have more interaction with teachers when teachers can realize their problems rapidly. To be more specific, when teachers find students' issues, students can talk their problems to teachers, and they will appreciate teachers' help. Finally, they will build a good relationship with teachers. For instance, when my friend, Pitt, was in high school, he was indulged in cartoon books. His teacher, Monica, found the problem. To create a relaxing atmosphere, she invited him to have a dinner to talk about his problem. In dinner, Pitt could explain his problem to Monica. Monica gave him some suggestions. From then on, he formed a good relationship with my teacher. Thus, I am sure that students can get more conversations with teachers if teachers give them help when they are in need.

The other two choices are not ideal in terms of crucial qualities teachers should have. For one thing, in high school, students' main task is to study, so teachers do not need to have the quality to give students advice about their future life. For another, in high school, students are not able to form their own learning ways. They still need the help from teachers in class, so there is no need for teachers to encourage students to learn outside the classroom. Thus, there are clear limitations concerning the two other options.

开头段, 目的是证明自己观点是对的, 那么if not most没必要. 另外others里面应该是the most而不是more. 主体段可以用what should be prioritized和equivalently importantly, 比firstly和secondly要好.

例子不是很convincing 主体段第一段都是if
第二段也是will
还有最后一段的对比这个太空了。要你选的选项去和你不选的选项对比。而不是单单说他们的问题

还有小错误比较多哈。是for one thing for another thing 不能省
逻辑词错很不应该哇
其实不推荐用这组逻辑词。你用first of all in addition都比这个好
因为前一组只能说一个事物的2方面。说多了就不行

缺了最后一个结尾段？In conclusion。。。。

paopaoyu 发表于 2020-08-01 23:16:54
缺了最后一个结尾段？In conclusion。。。。

考场上没有写，我下次记得加上吧，这样完整一些

我觉得可能是观点不够有说服力问题。

字数如果能多点，550+ ~ 600+就相当稳，至少24+

感觉三选一容易被判跑题，估计是其他方面的两点的缺点方面的描述不够有说服力。

aisida 发表于 2020-08-09 22:59:50
感觉三选一容易被判跑题，估计是其他方面的两点的缺点方面的描述不够有说服力。

确实，我那两个理由有点牵强，考场时间太紧了，想到那两点就写了

好心人给加加米可以吗？谢谢各位!