TPO 7 independent writing 求改 感激不尽！

It is more important for students to understand ideas and concepts than it is for them to learn facts.

        Ideas and concepts are usually considered as the most important components for students when studying a new object even though it is really essential to learn facts as well. Students should firstly grasp ideas and the main concepts when get into a totally unknown area, and this can help them better understand the framework of it.
        Admittedly, students should stick to facts in their studying. Facts can help students learn the principle of objects, and at the same time, intrigue students to get deeper into the theory. Thus, some facts should be taught at the beginning of certain subjects. For example, it must have been given to students at the start of geometry class that the shortest distance from one point to another is the length of segment between these two points. Without this fact, later geometry knowledge will be hard to understand. What's more, fact can encourage students to figure out the principle of it, which is really beneficial to establish the framework of the whole theory in the future.
        However, ideas and concepts are crucially important since they are the basis of studying, which can inspire students’ innovation and creativity. And this can be best illustrated with the instance of math study. Teachers are supposed to help students developing a concept of certain typical method to solve the problem such as recursion and making equations, so students will tackle math problems in their own way based on the concept. In addition, creative ideas should also be encouraged so as to impel students think deeper of the math problem. The celebrated mathematic scientist Gauss can figure out the sum of number 1 to 100 in a few second is  attributed to his innovative idea which must have been developed on a daily basis. With ideas and concepts built, students will undoubtedly learn facts faster through their own independent and critical thinking.
        To conclude, understanding ideas and concepts is much more important than learning facts. Therefore, students must give priority to creating right ideas and concepts, and they will surely feel much easier in their future study.     

第一段："Students should firstly grasp ideas and  ...when get into a totally " firstly其实用first"就可以了，get改成getting，语法错误。

第二段："at the same time" 常见于四六级作文，托福作文的话改成at the meantime, meanwhile是不是更奢华一点？
"What's more, fact can encourage students..."用一句reasoning的句子作为结尾很有逻辑感，但是稍嫌抽象，在考官快速阅卷的情况下可能没有时间去理解

第三段："ideas and concepts are crucially important since ..." "crucially"和"important"语义重复，不妨crucially改成absolutely之类的程度副词
"to help students developing "语法错误

最后一段有纰漏，你第二段是说concept重要，第三段是说fact也very重要，结尾却说"more"，可是好像没能感觉到你前面的论述里面有比较级的关系。

文章大致OK，但是举例所占的篇幅偏少（可以一个opinion举两三个例子），导致文段展开感觉不充分，raw score可能在3~4分之间，如果Writing目标25+的话要加油咯~

perlin 发表于 2013-9-6 10:11
第一段："Students should firstly grasp ideas and  ...when get into a totally " firstly其实用first"就 ...

十分受用!非常感谢!