免费修改托福独立写作( 欢迎给LZ发大米~ )

LZ美本大二党，目前本科两门英文写作课都是A+。可以免费帮各位修改托福独立写作 (亲测可高分~)

求改规则：
1）不要用附件，直接粘贴文本到回复框里。
2）务必粘贴作文的题目。
3）求改前先用grammarly之类的软件把语法跑一遍

PS: 欢迎各位同学给LZ发大米~

。。你的100分还没拿到？ 我给你加点分吧，，

wylwylds 发表于 2018-3-30 23:01
题目：Do you agree or disagree with the following statements?
In the past,young people depended too ...

题目：Do you agree or disagree with the following statements?
In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them；today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives.


(开头可以考虑使用一个attention grabbers & hooks, 比如疑问句~起到的作用是引起读者注意以及凑字数)In the modern time, the young perform the more independent in the different areas.(所有的逗号句点后都要有一个空格~~)So it is important to make a decision by themselves.(句点后空格)Are the young in past perform a different situation? There is no doubt(学术性写作中要减少绝对化语气, 少用there is no doubt/absolutely) that the situation is improving with the developments of the Internet and the social networking media.(句点后空格)I prefer the better environment help to improve the new generation of young’s individual parts.(这里Thesis statement可以用一个

Formula: Thesis statement = Concession(让步)+Topic(这里可以理解为观点)+Comment(这里可以理解为原因,也就是告诉读者so what, 为什么你的观点是对的). 但是你的thesis statement其实只有topic的那一部分~ 示例：“Even though ___(一些反面的东西)____,  ___(topic)_____ because _____(comment)___.”)

Compared with the past young, the new generation of young has more chances and possibilities to use the new technology to find and analyze the information and elements which is hard to be found in the past. But the rubbish information as the co-product also become a negative element to young people.In the high school time, I have a nice friend called Bruce who usually search new information through his smartphone.After our college entrance test, it is the time to apply for the university.And the negative result from internet comes.
As the new generation, he has to receive too much information which contributed to his misleading.By the way(少用这样的表达), he can not do the decision by himself because he does not know what is he prefer doing.The useful information search skills do not help him do a system of analyzing the preference of himself.As a result, he went to an engineering school and he found that he dislikes this area when was too late to have a chance to regret.
What's more, there are some positive examples that the young use the information and do some little scale test which helps them found what is interesting to them.The improved environment will not save a people who do not want to run off the trap.Whatever the modern time and the last time, the most important things for the individual to be independent is that knowing their preference and having a clear system of thinking.总体来说，主体段也存在一些问题：
1、太短了，每个段落的长度都不够，文章的总体字数不够。
2、主体段的结构不够清晰完整。主体段(PIE paragraph)建议依照这样的结构写：

• 每段开头：过渡词必备！
• P: Point (Topic + Comment)
• I: Information (比如：例子、数据、个人体验、观察结果)
• E: Explanation (解释，为什么你的information支持你的point？怎样支持你的point？)
• 照应 point
  

但是层主的主体段都没有写得很清晰，这是很大的问题。
3、每一段说好一个观点+例子+解释就可以了，不要把一个例子分到多段，或者一段写过多的例子。


In a nutshell, the new generation has more chances to try to make mistakes and a less information asymmetry which contributes to his success to do independent decision without the disturb from parents.

结尾可以再改进一下，总结前文，回顾过去展望未来，照应thesis statement

新人报道加分100：一人一楼，重复报到扣分！请等待BM人工加分！

指路免费100积分

GoldenArcher 发表于 2018-3-17 14:46
新人报道加分100：一人一楼，重复报到扣分！请等待BM人工加分！

指路免费100积分

感谢~~！！

题目：Do you agree or disagree with the following statements?
In the past,young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them；today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives.



In the modern time, the young perform the more independent in the different areas.So it is important to make a decision by themselves.Are the young in past perform a different situation? There is no doubt that the situation is improving with the developments of the Internet and the social networking media.I prefer the better environment help to improve the new generation of young’s individual parts.
. Compared with the past young, the new generation of young has more chances and possibilities to use the new technology to find and analyze the information and elements which is hard to be found in the past. But the rubbish information as the co-product also become a negative element to young people.In the high school time, I have a nice friend called Bruce who usually search new information through his smartphone.After our college entrance test, it is the time to apply for the university.And the negative result from internet comes.
As the new generation, he has to receive too much information which contributed to his misleading.By the way, he can not do the decision by himself because he does not know what is he prefer doing.The useful information search skills do not help him do a system of analyzing the preference of himself.As a result, he went to an engineering school and he found that he dislikes this area when was too late to have a chance to regret.
What's more, there are some positive examples that the young use the information and do some little scale test which helps them found what is interesting to them.The improved environment will not save a people who do not want to run off the trap.Whatever the modern time and the last time, the most important things for the individual to be independent is that knowing their preference and having a clear system of thinking.
In a nutshell, the new generation has more chances to try to make mistakes and a less information asymmetry which contributes to his success to do independent decision without the disturb from parents.

= - =写作萌新和菜鸡，麻烦lz多给提问题和毛病，不用留什么情面2333

imperfection 发表于 2018-4-17 05:06
。。你的100分还没拿到？ 我给你加点分吧，，

非常感谢ヽ(*。>Д<)o

感谢楼主！！！写完过来发给楼主