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[T作文-已改] 8.25机经独立——年轻人不再尊重老师

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本帖最后由 xzb88 于 2013-8-22 21:36 编辑

Young people nowadays do not respect their teacher as much as they did in the past.

Outline: agree
1.扩招,质量难保
2.浮躁,earn money
3.老师plagiarize

正文
Do young people lose the merit of respecting their teachers in current society? It seems hard to have an absolute answer to this question, since students are quite various in different ages or different places. Though it is admitted that being grateful and respecting the teachers is a virtue of human society, I tend to believe in the recent decades, young students do respect their teachers much less than that in the old days, for several reasons which will be list as follows.

First of all, as the population is growing rapidly, it would be a serious problem if the young people do not attend the schools to get educated, since the illiteracy may be harmful to the society. To solve this problem, governments have established more schools offering opportunities to the large number of young people to have education. However, this kind of policy could not assure the quality of students as before, which means some students of bad manner or reluctant to study may have a severe influence on other students. The peaceful environment to study and the harmonious relationship between the teachers and students are disturbed, which inevitably results in the loss of respect to the teachers.

Further, in modern society people have a strong desire to earn money, which makes them unwilling to study calmly. This greed of money also has a terrible effect on students, which makes them study passively and neglect the spirit to respect their teachers.

Finally, I have also heard that some teachers these days do plagiarize to have more achievements and earn the professor job. Such behaviors are quite immoral and disgusting that few students will regard the teachers as a kind people to respect.

All in all, I believe nowadays fewer and fewer students are willing to respect their teachers comparing with the past. This serious social problem needs to be solved by the efforts of both ourselves and the governments.

words:320,已限时,时间有点紧所以头重脚轻了
需要回批的请留下地址,谢谢版友

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bmbdl 2013-8-21 20:04:40 | 显示全部楼层
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Do young people lose the merit ofrespecting their teachers in current society? It seems hard to have an absoluteanswer to this question, since students are quite various in different ages ordifferent places. Though it is admitted that being grateful and respecting theteachers is a virtue of human society, I tend to believe in the recent decades,young students do respect their teachers much less than that in the old days,for several reasons which will be list as follows.

这个 that 应该是不需要。for several reasons... 这句话有点多余了,因为你亮出观点,后边很自然就是列举你的论据。

First of all, as the population is growingrapidly, it would be a serious problem if the young people do not attend theschools to get educated, since the illiteracy may be harmful to the society. Tosolve this problem, governments have established more schools offeringopportunities to the large number of young people to have education. However,this kind of policy could not assure the quality of students as before, whichmeans some students of bad manner or reluctant to study may have a severeinfluence on other students. The peaceful environment to study and theharmonious relationship between the teachers and students are disturbed, whichinevitably results in the loss of respect to the teachers.

一般情况下,第一句(或者最后一句)一定要是主题句,而 first of all 后边并不是这段的主题(说的是「扩招」的原因)。到了第三句才点明了「学生质量变差」这个论据。其实可以直接说,一个很关键的原因是学生质量变差,然后再说扩招 blah blah。

Further, in modern society people have astrong desire to earn money, which makes them unwilling to study calmly. Thisgreed of money also has a terrible effect on students, which makes them studypassively and neglect the spirit to respect their teachers.

既然后边是说学生,前边应该是说老师,所以应该是 teach 吧。另外 calm 一般是用来描述如何面对紧急情况,这里可以用 focus, devoted 这种。

Finally, I have also heard that someteachers these days do plagiarize to have more achievements and earn theprofessor job. Such behaviors are quite immoral and disgusting that fewstudents will regard the teachers as a kind people to respect.

All in all, I believe nowadays fewer andfewer students are willing to respect their teachers comparing with the past.This serious social problem needs to be solved by the efforts of both ourselvesand the governments.

words:320,已限时,时间有点紧所以头重脚轻了

有点。。后边展开的不太充分。不过也不错,没有语法错误,行文比较流畅。我觉得应该多注意下话题的挖掘吧,然后是词汇的组织,尝试下用英文思考,避免先用中文组织句子然后再翻译,可以显得更地道点。

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参与人数 2大米 +33 收起 理由
vincent11 + 30
xzb88 + 3 非常感谢你的评价

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DLer 2013-8-22 09:50:12 | 显示全部楼层
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Young people nowadays do not respect their teacher as much as they did in the past.


Do young people lose the merit of respecting their teachers in current society? It seems hard to have an absolute answer to this question, since students are quite various in different ages or different places. Though it is admitted that being grateful and respecting respecting and being grateful to the teachers is a virtue of human society, I tend to believe in the recent decades, young students do respect their teachers much less than that in the old days, for several reasons which will be list as follows.

First of all, as the population is growing rapidly, it would be a serious problem if the young people do not attend the schools attend school to get educated, since the illiteracy may be harmful to the society(any direct relation or give more explanations??). To solve this problem, governments have established more schools offering opportunities to the large number of young people to have have access to education. However, this kind of policy could not assure the quality of students as before, which means some students of bad manner or reluctant to study may have a severe influence on other students. The peaceful environment to study and the harmonious relationship between the teachers and students are disturbed, which inevitably results in the loss of respect to the teachers.

Further, in modern society people have a strong desire to earn money, which makes them unwilling to study calmly. This greed of money also has a terrible effect on students, which makes them study passively and neglect the spirit to respect their teachers.

Finally, I have also heard that some teachers these days do plagiarize to have more achievements and earn the professor job. Such behaviors are quite immoral and disgusting that few students will regard the teachers as a kind people to respect.

All in all, I believe nowadays fewer and fewer students are willing to respect their teachers comparing with the past. This serious social problem needs to be solved by the efforts of both ourselves and the governments.

写得还可以 但是第二部分和第三部分的论述教第一部分而言明显要单薄得多
此外论证的过程中要显示出论证和论点直接直接的联系
hdchina2010
2013-08-22

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参与人数 3大米 +43 收起 理由
q198800287 + 10 先改最近要考试的吧
xzb88 + 3 谢谢,期待你的评改已久,嘿嘿
vincent11 + 30

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